20. Listen, listen, listen. Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

20. Listen, listen, listen. Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

When Brad and I were moving into our second house, (We are on number 4 + one apartment) I was five months pregnant with Grey. We were in the final days of the move and I was in the kitchen of the new house and noticed that the handle of the new oven was bent, like, in an upside down V shape. So, I say to Brad, “What happened to the handle?” He says, “Bended it.” “Yes, I see that it's bent, but how did it get that way?” Again, “Bended it.” Well now I’m concerned not only about my bent oven handle, but that the father of my unborn child has had a stroke. So, one more time, “What now?” “Ben Beasley bent the handle. He was helping me move it. Ben did it.” 

Ah! One of our favorite family stories, and such a great example of this principle of seeking first to understand. We all want to be known. Truly and deeply known by those that love us. How can we make our family and friends feel known. By listening. Not just formulating our response while they talk, but really listening. And also keeping our anger in check even if what our loved one is saying makes us sad, angry, or even confused(?!). That is the secret James gives all of us to help deepen our relationships.

James 1:19-Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”